I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
