i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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