haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
