Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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