I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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