hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
