I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
