You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
