I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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