i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
