Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize