Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
