I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
