The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
