8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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