I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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