Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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