Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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