So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
