"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
