you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
