i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
