Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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