someone threw a dead crab at me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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