Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
