how can u be prego again
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
