it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
