1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
