If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
