so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
