It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think I just sharted jello shots
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize