They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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