You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
