Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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