no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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