so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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