...so i touched it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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