It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hippo gnu deer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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