Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
