They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize