I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
