Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
