hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
