3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
