Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
