he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
