My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
