I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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