Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
