Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
