If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
