her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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