1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He passed out mid-signature
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
