I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
