Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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