after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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