If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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