we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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