My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
