you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
