2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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