Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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