nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
