i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
