Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
