Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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