the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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