Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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