Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
