i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
