I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
