Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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