Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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