I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize