I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize