One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
