so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
