It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
