fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
