Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
