Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
