I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
