well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
