in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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