my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
