He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
