New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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