Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
