You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
