nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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