I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
