so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
