oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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