She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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