separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
