eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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