Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
