I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
