I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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