8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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